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#MondayMotivation - A message to people who have failed

Feeling like a failure is something we will all experience at some point. Whether it's because you've not done as well as you'd like in an exam, or something in your job or maybe even your personal life, feeling like you have failed is a horrible feeling.

Thanks to my anxiety, I experience this feeling on a regular basis and it's primarily the reason I stopped blogging about a year ago. People often ask me 'Why on earth do you feel like that?!' and from the outside looking in, I understand. I am successful in my career as I'm now a Director in a rapidly growing digital agency, I am happily married with a mortgage, I have family and friends who care about me and are absolute diamonds, I have hardly any money worries and all before I am 30 - yet still I allow myself to think I am a failure on a regular basis.

You are not alone

But I'm not the only person who has experienced this, and I bet so many of you can relate to that feeling of failure. There are so many reasons that could lead us to feel like this. You're putting all the hours under the sun into work, but your boss still finds something to get at you about. You've reached a stage in your relationship where the hearts and flowers have faded into nagging and everything else that's far from romantic. You get the idea.

No matter where you turn in life there's always going to be someone there to point out the negatives. And 9 time out of 10 that person is actually going to be ourselves.You had big plans of where you wanted your life to be right now, but you're far from it. Even if you've had loads of success, people will be quick to point out any bad points. In fact, the more successful you become, it seems the more people are ready and willing to point out these negatives.

If you start hearing this on a day to day basis, whether it's from other people, or just a voice in your head, it's easy to believe that it's true and in whatever way, you are flawed. These feelings don't go away unless you battle them head on, and if you leave them to their own devices they will continue to grow.

Whether it's your own thoughts or the views of others, allowing these to eat away at you is not good for your self-esteem or your health. Have you ever been ill after a period of stress? That's your body telling you to have a break. Dwelling on negative thoughts can put you under so much stress which can start affecting your body and not just your mind.

There are so many pressures on people these days to achieve certain things by a certain deadline, to look a certain way, to conform to some kind of  normality. With all of the demands going on in your life, how can you expect to be achieve all of them perfectly? You will never be able to please everyone, so it's time to stop trying.

If you convince yourself you are a failure, you will get stuck in this cycle of self-criticism and negative thoughts, which is only going to cause more hiccups.

If something doesn't work out for you, instead of viewing it as a failure, take it as a learning curve. If your relationship has ended, then you haven't failed, you just haven't found the right person. Any experience where you have not succeeded provides valuable life lessons for your next journey

Combat the negative thoughts

Yes, you didn't succeed at something you wanted to by the time you wanted to achieve it, but that does not make you a failure. Do not let those hurdles define you. You are the only person who can define you.

Next time you catch yourself thinking negatively, make a conscious effort to stop. Remind yourself of the things you have achieved and all the positive aspects of your life and allow these to outweigh the negatives.

Sometimes you just need that little reminder that you are a beautiful person no matter what and once you can get a hold of your negative thoughts and replace them with positives, achieving will be much easier as you have less to fight against.

Take some time for yourself. Even just a long soak in the bath with your favourite music or a catch up with your pals over coffee can be enough to quash those thoughts and adjust your mindset into something more positive.

Re-ignite your passion for whatever you are trying to achieve, don't compare yourself to your favourite instagrammer (because social media is never what is seems!) and motivate yourself to find another way to get where you want to be.

Never apologise for not being good enough. If you surround yourself with people and thoughts that allow you to feel like this, you will struggle to get out of that cycle. However, if you surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive, and you remind yourself of positive thoughts, success will be much easier.

You are not a failure, and you never will be.

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